I was standing all alone in the kitchen, peering into the fridge in search of an afternoon snack, and mumbling under my breath, "Another year has come and gone and here I am standing in the exact same spot I was last year wearing my same stupid work clothes and eating another stupid snack!" I slammed the fridge door, a little perturbed by the lack of fulfilling change in my life, and turned to my fish in the sink window. "And what about you, Staccato. What have you done with your life this year? Still sitting in your same stupid spot in the windowsill?!? Well, congrats to you too."
(Yes, I do verbally abuse my beta fish. I'm really working on it. I know it's not healthy)
But then I tilted my head to the side the way a puzzled golden retriever would turn after hearing an unfamiliar whistle and examined my little Staccato fishy. His year had changed... He got a new fish bowl.
I nodded my head to myself and looked around. My life had adjusted too. They may be the littlest of details, but they have changed none the less. I started glancing through our family pictures from 2014 and cheered up. What wonderful memories we made this year. I turned my attitude around and quickly apologized to the fish. Anyone experiencing similar feelings without dramatic changes in their lives over the last 365 days, I suggest sitting down and making a list of the little things that made your year special.
Here's mine...
We took a trip to the coast. A couple actually. We had gone camping with friends and one time found an adorable Air B&B right by the water. The ocean just does things to your soul. I love sitting in the sand and soaking up the mystery.
Spent time with the Fam-Bam and friends. We didn't get to do that much traveling this year but were blessed to have quite a few visitors come to The Dalles. Lots of trips from my parents, Kenny came for a soccer game with Mitch, Mary came for a job interview, Mo&So, Matt&Keri, Scott&Melissa, Klint&Kim, Adam&Lisa, and Ben&Lydia. Anyone I'm missing? Wonderful memories.
A lot of exploring in the gorge. Mitchell was on a new hike every week it seemed like and we fell more and more in love with the beautiful northwest.
My work got first place in the Cherry Festival Lip Sync Contest. It was my first year winning and so much fun.
We celebrated the life of my dear, sweet grandma Hutchings. She was an amazing woman and since she has been gone I have felt closer to her now than ever before. I think she has been pretty busy this year as my guardian angel. I've needed the help.
Congrats Mitchell!!! He finished school and got his degree. I am so proud of all of his hard work he put into his education and the wonderful man that he is.
Crockett family reunion. All. of. us. So many bright and wonderful personalities all rolled into one spot. This was by far one of the best memories of the year for me.
Mitchell hiked across Oregon. THIS IS HUGE!!! I am so proud of my husband for following his dreams. He trekked the Pacific Crest Trail starting from the California border and finishing in Washington. I can never fully comprehend the pain and endurance, planning and preparation, or determination and courage it took to accomplish this task. This man is my hero.
Attended my first college football game. GO DUCKS. It was a cold and rainy day, but I came prepared with my six layers of bottoms, six layers of tops, and four pairs of socks.
The hubby got a job. Again, I am so proud of Mitchell this year and all he accomplished. He had a big year. I am so thankful for all his hard work he does for our family.
I have had so much fun writing this year. It has been the most amazing outlet and has saved me. I am ridiculously excited to go back to school and get a degree as soon as I can so my words can actually make sense when I write them out.
Thinking back to who I was a year ago, I have realized that I am so much different. There have been so many experiences that have shaped me into me at this moment and I am so excited to see where I will be a year from now. Happy New Year everybody!!!
We all know her. The woman of flawlessness who on her worst day rushes out the door without putting on makeup and still presents herself as absolutely impeccable. Because she looks amazing without makeup and she seems more beautiful in her cute sweats than you felt on your prom night. I can go on and on about her gorgeous children or her unbreakable charm, her beautifully manicured fingernails and her unbelievably delicious smelling homemade cookies. No seriously, I don't believe it. Even the store-bought bakery ones don't smell that good. What is her secret?!
They come in all shapes and sizes and they are different to each individual. But no matter who we are, no one can deny the existence of the "Perfect Patricia."
In comparison, here's how good I am at things...
I remember my P.P. growing up. She was the mom of one of my best friends. Her hair was always fabulous and flipped out like she just had it shaped at a salon. She was my seminary teacher and I remember trying to pay attention to the lesson, but kept finding my mind wondering to her cute shoes and where she must have purchased them. She was an interior designer, so her home looked like it was featured in a Better Homes and Gardens magazine, but even better than that. It was too good for BH&G. The guest bathroom was themed after Book of Mormon heroes with big green ferns and low lighting to make you feel like you were deep in the jungle with the exploring Nephites.
Oh yes, she was my role model. When I grew up, I wanted to be Sister Perfect Patricia.
We've all heard this story countless times. How we shouldn't get down on ourselves and compare lives. And how we shouldn't stress over our worst qualities and liken them to our heroes' best ones. It's unhealthy! But it's also really easy to catch yourself doing.
Another time showing me being good at things... Like making collapsing gingerbread houses.
I remember sharing these feelings with my husband once. I explained to him my Perfect Patricia and asked why I couldn't be just like her, why she made it look so easy to do and here I was feeling helpless. And I LOVED the advice that Mitchell responded with.
He said, "Baby girl (because that's what he calls me), don't EVER desire to be somebody else. That's coveting and that's breaking one of the big ten. You can look at the qualities that you admire about a person and in a healthy way desire to improve those in yourself, but never want to be anyone except for you. If you want to dream of being a better person, dream of a perfect version of yourself to shoot toward."
Isn't he awesome.
Just be your best YOU. No more comparing yourself to others! I think that's why I have always loved non-team sports. Like track. When I run or jump, I don't have to think about the person competing beside me. I could get last place in an event one day and be in the best mood because, guess what, I broke my own personal record! I could take literal measurements and see a new improvement in myself and that was all that mattered.
For the last lesson of the year I am going to give the YW this handout at the beginning of class and have them constantly thinking and recording all of the ways they want to improve themselves. At the conclusion, I'll hand out color pencils so they can fill in the boxes to label each goal. Then they can underline and select a time when they want to begin working on them.
Get this week's lesson here.
If you want to check out how I presented this lesson last year, you can find it here.
I know I need to get better about less ME-TIME teaching and more GIRLS-TIME discussing. Something that went surprisingly well this week was assigning each young woman a paragraph under Education in FOR THE STRENGTH OF YOUTH. Then I gave them the opportunity to lead their own discussions about their paragraphs and they did awesome! They applied it to their own lives and gave each other advice and it was just... awesome.
I decided this year that I wanted to make the girls an education "dream board" where they could hang anything that would motivate them to be enthusiastic about learning. WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! Chicken wire is EVIL. Please wear work gloves when handling it so you don't look like you were playing patty-cake with Edward Scissorhands. Found that one out the hard way.
I searched Pinterest for a bunch of great motivational pictures and LDS education quotes that the girls could choose between to add to their individual board.
My inspiration behind making the dream boards came from here. It gives you directions how to build it and everything! So awesome! I ended up buying long wood stakes from Home Depot for the frames that were about 30 cents each! AMAZING!!!
Don't you love those scripture days where your reading slams you in the face like an ultimate punch and pours into your heart like a bowl of warm tomato soup? It is the BEST feeling in the world.
The other day I was reading in 2nd Nephi. Chapter four is where Nephi is being extremely poetic and, I think, having some sort of emotional meltdown. The kind we all have every now and then... where we are SO HARD on ourselves.
He talks about his soul lingering in the valley of sorrow. "O wretched man that I am!" You take a journey with him as he lists all these AMAZING blessings he has been given: God had led him through the wilderness, confounded his enemies, showed him visions, and filled him with love. Even with all of this, Nephi still is imperfect and catches himself sinning.
Two things about this hit me...
First, I felt so sorry for Nephi and could relate. That overwhelming feeling of guilt for our sins and imperfections is a very real thing. And the words he used to describe his sorrow were so beautiful and straight from the heart.
Second, it kind of makes me feel better about myself. If a prophet of the Lord still makes mistakes, then it's okay that I make them too. Stop being so hard on yourself. It is completely fine to not be flawless. The Savior has given us the wonderful gift of the atonement so that we won't have to do this alone.
As I sensed the emotion in his words, I wanted his feelings to be translated into music. The joy of his blessings, the sorrow of his imperfections, and the hope that, with the Lord's help, he could still endure.
So, I hopped on the piano and tried my best to translate what it meant to me. Nephi would probably listen to it today and think, "Um, no Jess, you've totally misinterpreted what I was trying to say."
Ha ha! And that's okay. This was still a big stepping stone for me. The last time I wrote a song was in third grade with the title "Puppies in the Meadow" that I'm pretty sure could have been played with two fingers. I'm grateful that Heavenly Father blesses me with tiny miracles like helping inspire me to try to write a new song.
PLEASE read the verses!!! Feel his emotion. Nephi is so amazing.
16 Behold, my soul delighteth in the things of the Lord; and my heart pondereth continually upon the things which I have seen and heard.
17 Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities.
18 I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me.
19 And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted.
20 My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep.
21 He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh.
22 He hath confounded mine enemies, unto the causing of them to quake before me.
23 Behold, he hath heard my cry by day, and he hath given me knowledge by visions in the night-time.
24 And by day have I waxed bold in mighty prayer before him; yea, my voice have I sent up on high; and angels came down and ministered unto me.
25 And upon the wings of his Spirit hath my body been carried away upon exceedingly high mountains. And mine eyes have beheld great things, yea, even too great for man; therefore I was bidden that I should not write them.
26 O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath visited men in so much mercy, why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions?
27 And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul? Why am I angry because of mine enemy?
28 Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul.
34 O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm.
35 Yea, I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me, if I ask not amiss; therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the rock of my righteousness. Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God. Amen.
I know some people (like my nephew and my husband) learn music better by watching fingers than by reading sheet music. Do you know how hard it is to get through an entire song without messing up when a camera's recording you? ...Unsuccessful.
“We get nearer to the Lord through music than perhaps through any other thing except prayer.” -- President J. Reuben Clark Jr., in Conference Report, Oct. 1936, 111
Naida Cram Hutchings
gave, without question, the most perfect grandmother hugs of all time.As a little girl my body would melt
into the soft skin of her loving arms.In the glimmering surface of her eyes you could see the value she saw in
you.You always felt special and knew you
were appreciated.Her soul
overflowed with so many Christ-like qualities of love and tenderness.She was a soft-spoken individual with a
soothing voice like calm water.The light of her smile reached out and soaked into your heart, blanketing
you from your worries and your fears.She wasn’t afraid of silence.I loved that about her.There
didn’t need to be the sound of talking and socializing filling the room to feel
and know that you were loved by her.
She is a very real
part of me.I catch tiny drops of
her personality that greet me throughout the day.As I tilt my wrist to the side, I study the blue and
green veins painted down my arms with comfort knowing the blood flowing through
me was passed down through her.
I only remember
seeing her cry once. It was when she talked about grandpa and how much she
missed him.
This is maybe the
first death where I’m old enough to truly understand death. I’m finally beginning to realize that
everyone has to die.My innocent stage
of unawareness has come to an end and my perspective has been tilted, realizing now that every individual who has passed on from this life was a daughter or son of God dancing through their existence once feeling as young and invincible as I
used to believe I was.
It’s a beautiful
pain.Like stretching out a
muscle.Even though your body
recognizes it as pain, your mind turns it into a good ache knowing it’s doing
something positive and benefiting.
The reason why the
joy outweighs the sorrow of this occasion is because she is reunited again with
grandpa.What peace.I think of my love, Mitchell, and what
it would be like to be torn apart for an entire decade.After enduring this trial of loneliness
for so long, she can forever let go of that heavy burden.She can leap into grandpa’s wonderful,
loving arms with the soothing assurance that they will never part again.
All day, I couldn’t
stop singing to myself the song my parents wrote for grandma and grandpa’s 50th
wedding anniversary…
Years ago you set a
course
To the stars
Sailed towards
eternity
Two together
You put out to sea
You began a journey
To your legacy
Gliding free
Love fills your sails
And builds eternally
Your love breathes
endlessly
Years navigating
You sailed through
life
Gathering pearls
Seeing the world
You journeyed on
Gliding free
Love fills your sails
Builds eternally and
still
Love breaths
endlessly
Love you so much grandma!! Thank you for making this world a more beautiful place.
I am SoOoOoOo excited for the lesson this week.
To introduce the topic I want to ask all of the young women to stand up and recite the YW theme again. Have you ever noticed how everyone sounds like monotone zombies when they give the theme? I'll ask them to truly think about the words as they're saying it so they are able to deeply ponder it.
Sometimes our prayers can go through that same repetition. I'm guilty of falling into a rut and hurrying through my prayers without being in the right mind frame at times.
Heavenly Father loves us and wants us to communicate with Him through prayer. When we pray, we should tell Heavenly Father what we feel in our hearts. We should not repeat meaningless words or phrases. Through sincere, heartfelt prayer, we can feel the nearness of our Heavenly Father.
“As you feel the need to confide in the Lord or to improve the quality of your visits with him—to pray, if you please—may I suggest a process to follow: go where you can be alone, go where you can think, go where you can kneel, go where you can speak out loud to him. The bedroom, the bathroom, or the closet will do. Now, picture him in your mind’s eye. Think to whom you are speaking, control your thoughts—don’t let them wander, address him as your Father and your friend. Now tell him things you really feel to tell him—not trite phrases that have little meaning, but have a sincere, heartfelt conversation with him. Confide in him, ask him for forgiveness, plead with him, enjoy him, thank him, express your love to him, and then listen for his answers. … Answers from the Lord come quietly—ever so quietly. In fact, few hear his answers audibly with their ears. We must be listening so carefully or we will never recognize them. Most answers from the Lord are felt in our heart as a warm comfortable expression, or they may come as thoughts to our mind. They come to those who are prepared and who are patient”
-Bishop H. Burke Peterson
I was browsing Pinterest for some prayer quote ideas I could use as handouts and as I was searching I thought to myself, "There are so many great pins! I wish everyone could just make their own Pinterest board for my lesson this Sunday." LIGHTBULB! BRILLIANT JESS!
They can...
For part of my lesson I'm going to bring glue sticks and print out all the prayer quotes I can find. Each of the girls can have their own "Prayer Board" and "Pin" the quotes that are most meaningful to them. We can each go around and share the ones that stand out the most to each individual and explain why it's significant to them.
Seriously, if you search for "LDS prayer quotes" you will be pinning for hours without even realizing it. I found SO MANY.
As a class, sing or read hymns about prayer (use the topical index at the end of the hymnbook to find an appropriate hymn). What do the young women learn about prayer from these hymns?
I love this suggestion. If we ended up spending the entire time singing, I wouldn't mind a bit!
For my soul adelighteth in the bsong of the cheart; yea, thedsong of the righteous is a prayer unto me, and it shall be answered with a blessing upon their heads.
Have I mentioned yet how much I love holiday decorations? In most cases, decorating the apartment is probably more fun for me than the actual holiday itself. As we dusted off the storage boxes in the back of our deep, dark, cave closet of MORIA, I was disappointed to find very few St. Patrick's Day items.
I decided I wanted to hang some sort of banner in the living room for an extra splash of green and couldn't find anything on Pinterest that popped out at me.
SO I MADE MY OWN BANNER!!!
It's far from fancy-pantsy... In fact, it's held together with yarn and scotch tape because I'm legit like that, but it get's the job done.
So, for anyone that needs a little extra GREEN to liven up their St. Patty's festivities, please feel free to download.
P.S. I think the other reason I'm obsessed with holidays is for the ability to freely eat as much candy as I want in the name of celebration! I'm pretty sure I've eaten an ENTIRE bag of skittles in 24 hours.
And I'm talking about the big party bags... not the tiny servings you buy next to the cash register.
All week long I have been focusing on my Adversity Lesson and it has helped me reflect and think about how I handle the struggles I'm going through in my life. I've thought about my good days and bad days and what has helped me make it through the bad.
In our family growing up, I was the middle child. I was the trouble maker and I know the most difficult kid to raise (sorry mom and dad). My older brother, Adam, on the other hand, was perfect. He always looked out for me and protected me. He was seriously my hero as I awkwardly stumbled through childhood.
I have this memory of the two of us. I was mad about something and sitting up in my room listening to music or whatever it is teenagers do when their angry with their parents. Adam came in and sat down beside me. I vented to him about everything, how "this isn't fair" and "why wont they let me do this?" He sat silently and listened to every word.
I knew he understood. I knew he was listening with his whole heart and was aware of what I was feeling. Then he gave me some advice. He put the situation into a different perspective and had me try and put myself in mom's and dad's shoes. Adam has always been an old, wise soul, even during his youth. He was there that day to comfort me and cheer me up.
The most important part of this memory was what happened next. He nudged me and said, "C'mon. Don't sit in your room being upset all day. Let's go and do something."
When I think about the atonement, I know that the Lord knows my pains and can comfort me when I'm feeling sad. But sometimes I stop there. Sometimes it feels good to be sad. I feel more justified about what I'm going through and find myself sitting alone feeling sorry for myself. But the Lord doesn't want us to do this. It's okay to feel sorrow at first, but we also need to move on.
Even though our Savior went through pain and suffering, I don't think he would sit and linger on the negative experiences he went through. And neither should we. When we are faced with a difficult trial the Lord can come into our lives and understand us and comfort us through the atonement. But then we need to get up and move on. He wants us to take his hand, walk away from our sorrows, and be happy.
I sat down and decided to make a list of my TOP TEN things I do to try and stay positive.
1. I COUNT MY BLESSINGS... OUT LOUD
I know this sounds SUPER corny, but I swear it works.
I was on my way to work one day, just grumpy as could be. I didn't want to go, I was practically in tears and for some reason I started listing to myself all of the things I was thankful for in that five minute drive. By the time I arrived I was SO HAPPY. I spent my entire shift smiling and being thankful for everything around me, including my great job!
2. I INVITE THE SPIRIT INTO MY HOME
Elder Dallin H. Oaks said, "If we are practicing our faith and seeking the companionship of the Holy Spirit, His presence can be felt in our hearts and in our homes."
Whenever I'm just feeling "BLEH," it helps when I walk in the living room and switch on some uplifting music. I turn on my SCENTSY to lighten the mood and tidy up any clutter. Then I bake some cookies or find and activity that brings peace into my home.
3. I FIND A NEW PASSION THAT DISTRACTS ME FROM MY TRIALS
I have tried doing this in the past and it didn't work. I would find a fresh hobby or learn something new and would eventually get bored, find myself down again and now burdened with unfinished projects to add to my list of things to do.
The key is truly finding something you are PASSIONATE about.
It took me a while to discover what my passion was. It even took nights and nights of praying, asking my Heavenly Father to help me find ways to be happy and adapt to my circumstances instead of pleading for my circumstances to change.
But one day I found it and I began writing. And I kept writing every single day and still do. I have found that my positive attitude has been stronger these last few months than they've ever been before. I have used my writing to keep myself distracted from my troubles.
4. I ASK FOR PRIESTHOOD BLESSINGS
Everyone has a love language, right? And a love tank that constantly needs to be filled to feel appreciated? I have come to realize that I have a spiritual tank. And when I receive priesthood blessings of comfort from my husband or another priesthood holder my tank OVERFLOWS. It gives me a huge emotional boost knowing my Heavenly Father is there for me and loves me.
The words of comfort which are spoken I know are coming directly from my Father in Heaven and I can't describe the peace and happiness I feel inside when I feel His love encompass my soul.
5. I LOSE MYSELF IN SERVICE
This one is kind of like when I count my blessings. At first I might roll my eyes and think of it more like a chore than something fun to do, but once I act upon it I end my day with feelings of pure joy. When you find someone around you to help and serve, you become numb to your own worries and adjust your focal point to someone who needs it more.
I have a challenge for you. Set aside a teeny, tiny, microscopic budget for helping others. I mean it. Do it. Now. Go. Seriously.
Even if it's two dollars a day. That adds up to $62 by the end of the month. Take that money and plan an activity with your family to anonymously help another person. I swear, you will be smiling all week long! Whether you use it to pay for someone's dinner, donate it to a charity, or buy a huge bag of dog food and doorbell ditch the local humane society with fresh puppy chow, giving away your money to help others is so fulfilling and rewarding deep in your shaky bones.
Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have doneit unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.
Matthew 25:40
6. I CHANGE AROUND MY FURNITURE
Sometimes if I get a little depressed all I need is a simple change. Moving things around to grasp that "fresh start" feeling helps me feel motivated to get up and do things. We've started getting giddy for spring cleaning the house and embracing that extra refreshing boost.
7. I TAKE MY SHOWERS WITH THE LIGHTS OFF
So weird, I know. But whenever I'm feeling down, I do this and I love it. I turn on the water and quickly memorize which shelf has the shampoo bottle and which one has the conditioner so I don't mix them up, then shut off the lights and shower in complete darkness. It helps me sort through my thoughts. I like to do this to get inspired to write too. Something about the darkness takes away distractions and allows me to focus and think more clearly. It can help me control my thoughts so I can brush out the negative and embrace the positive.
8. I GET SOME FRESH AIR
This is incredibly easy to do when one is married to a mountain man. Mitch can be busy working on anything and if I tell him I feel like going on a hike, he will literally drop everything and say, "I'll go get my boots." I think being away from people and surrounding yourself with nature's tranquility allows you to meditate and see a bigger picture so you can realize how little your problems are on the grand scale of things.
9. I SPOIL MYSELF
If I'm grumpy and desperate, I run to the freezer and chow down on vanilla ice cream. With chocolate sauce. And whipped cream. AND rainbow sprinkles.
Sometimes I just need a fun shopping day to buy a new outfit or I'll get some flowers for the kitchen table. The other day I was feeling negative and I had this strange desire to color in a coloring book, so BY GOLLY I DID!! I" kindergardened" it up (yes, I made that verb up) and dusted off my colored pencils. I may have felt a little childish, but strangely I felt satisfied and happier afterwards. I do what I want!
10. I GO TO THE TEMPLE
Even if I'm just walking around the outside of the building, I feel a beautiful peace. The temple to me is a lot like when I'm out in nature. My perspective is forced outside of myself and everything seems bigger. Countless times I have attended the temple because I was troubled by something and seeking inspiration. But as soon as I step inside, none of it matters anymore. I sit in the celestial room and stare at the awe-inspiring chandeliers sparkling above me and realize everything is taken care of. Our adversities and afflictions shall be but a small moment. Everything will be okay and no matter what trial I am facing, with help from the Lord, I can withstand anything.
